As always there will probably be a glut football songs to go with England‘s likely embarrassment in the Euro 2012 tournament in Poland and the Ukraine this summer. But whilst this bunch of millionaire losers fail on the fields of eastern Europe there will at least be a, possibly, credible anthem to listen to while you mock them. According to the NMENew Order (without Hooky I assume) may be re-recording 1990′s “World In Motion” with Tinie Tempah and Dizzee Rascal.
Finally Lampard felt comfortable in the midfield hole
Nothing is certain yet, other than perhaps England falling flat on their rich pathetic faces. Unless of course they bring in ‘Arry. But I have always liked the song. As footie tunes go it’s top class. I presume that Tinie or Dizzee will fill the slot where the original John Barnes rap was. The alternative would be to get one of the players, many of whom can barely string a conversation together, to do it. John Terry for example ‘I’m over the moon cos I’m on football tune. I’m a racialist and I like to get pissed. I’ve shagged Wayne Bridge‘s bird and I like dirty words. That disabled space is mine and I won’t pay the fine. I’ve played real crap and I really can’t rap. I’m Captain of Engerland and I’m………. errr no I’m not anymore am I? Oh bollocks!’
In the meantime enjoy the original version and click here if you want to read the story on the NME.
John Terry tries to tell the world he's a right tit, but he can't get that right either!
Now I am really not the kind of person who is favour of formal attire in fact I dislike formal wear immensely. I suppose that this comes partly from having to wear a suit and tie to work every day for most of my working life. Even now in our supposedly modern and enlightened world I still have to wear a tie to work. Why is this? What is the purpose of a neck tie? As far as I can tell it’s just a coloured or patterned piece of material that is tied around the neck for decoration. Does it keep my shirt buttoned? No. Does it keep me warm? No. Does it increase my intelligence? No. Does it sometimes act as a bib and catch food spillages when I eat my lunch? Actually yes it does!
Anyway I hear that the organisers of Royal Ascot are introducing more stringent dress codes for this years event. Click here to read the story on the BBC website. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-berkshire-16607875 I won’t bore you with all the details as there is only one part that really interests me. You may know that I am a dedicated fascinator hater. I just don’t understand the purpose of those pathetic arty farty constructions that women plonk on their head. Either get a proper hat or wear nothing on your head. Ladies fascinators make you look simple and stupid. (In my opinion at least). well the good news is that fascinators will be banned from the royal enclosure this year, however women must wear a hat. Men must wear a waistcoat and tie, cravats will not be permitted. But let’s face it cravats are a little poncey aren’t they?
So whilst I am pleased that Royal Ascot has banned the fascinator in the royal enclosure I am disappointed that they haven’t banned it completely. aside from that would I really want to attend a function that is so rigorous about telling me what I can and can’t wear? Not particularly. When I attend the likes of the Reading Festival I can wear whatever the hell I want; A Dead Kennedys T Shirt, a Cheeky Girls hoodie, a Prince Charles mask, a Doctor Doom badge or shorts with ‘fuck you, you fucking fuck’ emblazoned across the back. (As an aside here’s a competition for you, I have in fact once worn one of those items at the Reading Festival, can you guess which one? Mr Horslen you’re not allowed to enter as you were with me at the time)
So now I have had my formal wear rant and spread the good news about at least a step in the right direction with regard to the fascinator how about some music? This is a music blog after all isn’t it? So I thought I would choose some fascinator songs and artists for you. I must confess that I’ve heard none of these tunes before now. I hope that you enjoy them and feel free to suggest others.
I’d like to thank my friend Stuart O’Hara for suggesting the theme of this post. Edwyn Collins once said ‘too many protest singers, not enough protest songs’. Strangely that was a lyric from his 90s hit “A Girl Like You” which doesn’t seem to be a protest song itself. That dear reader is the thrust of this blog post; where are all the protest singers and protest songs? The world economy is collapsing, riot and revolution is rife, wars and indiscriminate bombings are commonplace and UK politics is at best inept and the USA is trillions of dollars in debt and dancing with the idea of electing an idiotic republican candidate far more stupid than even Dubya was. So where are all the protests from the music world?
Aside from the fact that a legitimate protest song would probably not get played on mainstream radio and would need to ‘go viral’ on-line, where the hell are they? Where are this generation’s Woody Guthries, Pete Seegers, Bob Dylans and Billy Braggs? OK I know there have been a few good attempts since the Specials summed up Britain in song in 1981 with “Ghost Town”. Notably “Killing In The Name Of” from Rage Against The Machine and perhaps “American Idiot” from Green Day. But what happened to the establishment/ ‘the man’ being scared of rock music? It’s all become too corporate and bland.
U2 and Coldplay have tried to use their muscle to protest against various wrongs in the world, but frankly are their hearts really in it? Radiohead have supported the free Tibet campaign amongst others, but could they do more? Dylan is getting too old, Bragg doesn’t have the fanbase size required (but is still flying the flag), Springsteen and Weller have been quiet of late on the protest front and Marvin Gaye, Marley, Lennon and Strummer are sadly no longer with us.
The environment must be right for a new movement to shake up the old order just like punk did in the 70s and rave and grunge did in the 80s and 90s. The charts are stuffed full of manipulated, impresario created pop muppets; Little Mix, Matt Cardle, Olly Murs etc. It is time to stand up and be counted good people of the blogosphere. We need some strong protest songs to unite all those fighting for freedom and change. Let’s shake up that complacent bunch of career politicians in Westminster and political ivory towers across the world. Frank Turner, Show Of Hands, Neil Young you can do this we need you now! Will somebody please step forward?
In the meantime here are some classic protest songs. I would love to hear your opinions of protest songs and singers;
Apologies up front but this is another rant from me. What is it with FIFA? The latest pathetic activity from them is to ban the England players from having a Poppy on their shirts for the friendly match with Spain on Saturday. Apparently it would be in breach of their rule that players’ equipment (which includes the shirt) should not carry any religious, political, commercial or personal slogans. I’d like to know which one of these the wearing of a Poppy would break. It is a symbol to commemorate and remember those who died not only in the First and Second World wars but all of those who have died in active service in the armed forces.
Not listening, not listening, not listening....
The Poppy is worn in up to 120 countries, although in some of those mostly by expatriates. But other countries have a symbol to commemorate their war dead in a similar way. In France for example it is the Blue Cornflower. England will have Poppies on their training and warm up kit which will then be auctioned for charity, they will also wear black armbands for the match. Additionally FIFA have allowed a minute’s silence before the game. Forgive me but what the fuck has a minute’s silence before a football game got to do with FIFA?
FIFA are in fact a charity. A very rich and most likely (the proof is out there I’m sure!) very corrupt organisation. Sepp Blatter’s promise to make the organisation more transparent after recent scandals seems to have made everything even more opaque. Including awarding business contracts to companies owned or partly owned by his nephew. Personally I think Blatter makes Berlusconi look like an angel. Even forgetting the World Cup hosting bid from England how the hell did they manage to award the 2022 tournament to Qatar? It’s too hot, has an atrocious human rights record and frankly is hardly a hot bed of world football.
Here’s an interesting recent fact about the charity that is FIFA. One of its less well off members, Mauritius, had a cash shortfall of some £42,000 which meant that they were unable to travel to or organise their World Cup qualification games. How did the caring, sharing charity that is FIFA respond to this? They disqualified them from the competition, probably completely within the letter of the regulations. But wouldn’t the charitable thing to do be to bail them out? After all FIFA are sitting on cash assets in the region of £800 million. But I guess they need that for their next all expenses paid junket or their Christmas party. Thinking of Christmas like to recycle my Festive Fir Tree every year and I think next time I’d like to recycle it by shoving it right up Blatters backside!
It's about time he got a red card!
Having just finished writing this post I have now heard that FIFA have offered a compromise solution; England will be allowed to show a Poppy on their black armbands. What’s the difference between a Poppy on the shirt and one on the armband? Not a lot in my opinion and this another example of FIFAs inept style of management. Should you ever have a piss up in a brewery do not let FIFA anywhere near the organising committee!
Anyway let me wind down the rant just a bit and what better way to finish this post than with a song about the famous football match between British and German soldiers one Christmas during the First World War.
This is probably bigger than my own little world view and maybe there’s a lot of it that I don’t understand. But what is it with the Euro bail-out for Greece? The great and good (well not much greatness or goodness really is there?) leaders of Europe held a series of summits to resolve the Euro crisis. Focussing in particular on the parlous state of the Greek economy. In simple terms the solution was that major banks would write off 50% of Greek debt and the rest would be funded through stringent austerity measures to be introduced by the Greek government.
Well it looks like they can't produce can they? A T Shirt slogan on a bag........that is so FAIL!
So just a few days ago everyone was patting themselves on the back on what a spiffing job they had done; crisis over….. for now. Then comes the news that before they accept these actions the Greek government will ask their voting population what they think in the form of a referendum. Now I may be a little simple at times but on this occasion I suspect that the there will be an overwhelming no vote? What do you think?
I think that our erstwhile leaders should have taken a look at the car washing scene in Pulp Fiction before any back slapping took place.Well, in particular the line ‘let’s not start sucking each other’s dicks quite yet’. So what happens next? I presume that Greece will default on their loans. After that who knows, do the banks send in the bailiffs to repossess Greek property. Unlikely really; all their crockery is broken and they lost their marbles ages ago.
But at least the forecast looks good....... actually so does the forecaster don't you think?
Just a couple of questions from me to close this post;
If Greece doesn’t want the bailout money can I have it?
So then, let’s get back to music as this is really a music blog, but there is often the odd rant from me. Here are a few songs that I feel are appropriate. Especially the last one of the three from Jarvis Cocker
After the epic news earlier this week that the Stone Roses have reformed some even more epic news broke yesterday. Westlife are finally splitting up, which I must say that I find really sad. When I say sad I mean I’m really sad that it’s taken so bloody long for it to happen. It hardly registers on the same cultural scale as the Beatles break up does it? But incredibly Westlife have had 14 UK number one singles (that’s not far off the Beatles and Elvis Presley’s tally of 17 and 21 respectively) and have worldwide record sales of 44 million. Unlike the Beatles though these guys aren’t just breaking up, they’re embarking on a farewell tour next year in support of a greatest hits package to be released next month. For me they were all about the easy buck and the dumbing down of the music industry. So no surprise that the most worthless, talentless person to ever appear on TV or find employment in the entertainment industry, Louis Walsh, was behind them!
Personally I'm glad that someone took the stage away!
But of course every Yin has a Yang, every Kit has a Kat, every A-Side has a B-Side, every day has a night, every messiah has a Judas, every rose has a thorn, every Bon has a Jovi and every dog has a Shit. It sadly comes in the wake of a Steps reunion. So just as we lose an insipid, karaoke style hit machine in the guise of a boy band we regain one of pop music’s most annoying manufactured happy clappy combos. As a quick aside check out the BBC’s rather amusing comparison of the reunion of Steps vs. the reunion of the Stone Roses by clicking here. As regular readers will know I will not even be going in sniffing distance for shows by either Westlife or Steps.
Westlife never really mastered Madonna's Vogue dance
But I would like to say something in favour of the genuine fans of all the acts I have mentioned in this post; Stone Roses, Westlife and Steps. This is a message to all you ticket scalpers out there – “Give it up you money grabbing bastards and let the real fans get the tickets!” How come that within minutes of tickets going on sale they suddenly appear on E Bay at vastly inflated prices? Greed that’s how come! As for ticket exchange sites like Viagogo I personally wouldn’t touch them with a barge pole, they’re just like licensed touts. Apologies for that, I needed a bit of a rant, I really don’t like touts and scalpers, especially those who do it in a corporate guise!
News broke earlier this week that four members of UB40 have been declared bankrupt. That is bankrupt as in debt related rather than artistic bankruptcy I presume. Personally I loved their first album, but after that I thought they became the reggae equivalent of Status Quo and Ronseal. They did exactly what it said on the tin with as few original notes or original compositions as possible.
Their version of Neil Diamond’s song “Red Red Wine” is probably one of my least favourite songs and is nothing more than a poor carbon copy of the earlier reggae version by Tony Tribe. I recognise that the band were in a sense paying homage to their reggae heroes, but frankly how many times can you roll out the ‘Labour Of Love’ identikit covers concept before it becomes stale? In their favour they are clearly more talented than any X Factor contestant, but then I am also more talented than many of those.
Read the story of UB40s money woes here on the BBC, sadly it came about just a week after they had a Music Heritage plaque mounted in their honour at the Kings Heath, Birmingham pub that they performed at in 1979; The Hare and Hounds. I know it’s cruel, but I have a couple of questions;
Will they now have to complete one of their namesake forms; Unemployment Benefit form 40 a.k.a UB40?
How soon before they are joined in bankruptcy by any number of X Factor ‘success’; Matt Cardle, Joe McElderry et al?
In the meantime enjoy a couple of songs from the bands excellent first album;
This hopeless sinner (or maybe I’m just a talented sinner) was listening to the radio at the weekend and a song that I really love came on. It was the beautiful “People Get Ready” by the Curtis Mayfield era Impressions. Now this is a very religious song and I am not a religious person. So my question to you is; should I be able to enjoy religious songs even if I am not religious myself? Well I’m talking conventional religion I suppose because in the last two census forms I completed I registered as a Jedi (hence the Star Wars elements of this post!)
I have quite a few songs of a religious nature in my collection including;
“I Want Jesus To Walk With Me” – Johnny Nash – But then I do have a rather extensive Johnny Nash Collection
“Forever Loving Jah” – Bob Marley – I love loads of Rasta but let’s face it I can never be one, I am now forever a “Crazy Baldhead”
“You Got The Love” – The Source featuring Candi Staton – Probably my favourite dance track, probably my favourite song of the 90s too! I am pretty sure this is a religious love song about the love of god rather than just a love song.
“People Get Ready” – The Impressions – A truly beautiful song whatever it’s sentiment in my opinion
I’d like to know what you think about this potential dilemma. I don’t have a problem with this, but I wonder if there is anyone out there that does. On a similar vein I once worked with a guy who was a racist, I’d like to stress that he wasn’t a friend. He had lots of 60s soul music in his collection; Aretha Franklin, Otis Redding and plenty of Motown. Personally I find that hard to reconcile; he didn’t like black people and yet he had a large amount of black music in his collection. I’d love to hear your views on that too.
Incidentally I would like to state categorically that I do not own any of Cliff Richard‘s religious songs such as “The Lords Prayer ” and “Saviours Day”
I am pleased to see that someone has kicked off a Facebook campaign to make Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” the UKChristmas number one this year. I posted something of a similar sentiment a short while ago, click here to read it. This new Facebook campaign was kicked off in response to the X Factor naming one of this years crop of average karaoke singers, another insipid, bland girl group, Rhythmix. The name is also the name of a UK charity that uses music as and to help children and young people from difficult backgrounds. It gives many young people the opportunity to make music to help them develop and learn. Check out the charity website here.
Simon Cowell will do anything in his desire to rule the world, including throwing babies to sharks
When the charity contacted the X Factor team they were told to “get a lawyer”. Effectively because they didn’t have the rights to the name for use as a band, basically they held the rights for educational purposes only. That’s within the letter of the law I’m sure, but ethically and morally it suggests that Cowell and his cronies are emotionally bankrupt.
Nirvana's unused sleeve for their cover of the Commodores "Brick House"
So let’s get behind this campaign and spoil this years pop muppets Christmas. Click here to find the page on Facebook. In the meantime enjoy the band doing the song at the Reading Festival in 1992. They even insert a short burst of Boston’s “More Than A Feeling” a song fromwhich Kurt Cobain claimed to have ripped off the riff for Teen Spirit from.
I think I have come close to experiencing regret on two occasions and that is with the benefit of hindsight. Those two occasions occurred in the late 70s and both involved me turning down what would have been significant opportunities.
Firstly I was sitting in my local pub one evening in December 1976 (it was the now sadly departed Oak Tree in Hillingdon) when someone came in and offered tickets to see a band at Brunel University. It was a band that was causing quite a stir and I could have made it quite easily. But I decided that the pub would win that night. The band was the Sex Pistols!
Possibly the very ticket that I turned down!
Secondly I was on a lad’s holiday in Spain in 1977 (or it might have been 1978). We were staying maybe less than an hour’s drive from Barcelona. While we were there a now sadly late, great performer was playing a gig in the city. We asked our travel representative about getting tickets. He
said getting them was easy but that for a bunch of English blokes to turn up at a gig in Spain would incite the Spanish youth to violence. I now realise that this was probably complete bollocks and we should have gone to the show. That legendary, late, great performer was none other than Bob Marley.
So I have always felt that I have never regretted anything I have done in my life so far. I still believe that and I also feel that this is a good philosophy, however that doesn’t mean that you can’t be sorry about some things you have done, does it?
There were a couple of people at school that to be perfectly honest I treated in quite a mean and disrespectful way. With one of those people I simply followed the herd and behaved just like most other people in my school peer group. With the other person I made them look like a liar in order to save some teenage face. So there you have it, my teenage confessions of sorts. I would like to apologise to both of these people albeit so many years later, but I guess I am just salving my conscience. I thought long and hard about whether I should mention them by name and I personally feel that I should, I’m sure that the chances of them reading this is pretty remote anyway.
So at the risk of steering into Simon Mayo confession territory I would like to apologise unreservedly for my behaviour towards two people between 1972 and 1977 or thereabouts. Geoffrey Guile and Susan Batty this one’s for you! If I knew then what I know now then I would have behaved very differently.
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