“Feet fail me not, this may be the only opportunity that I got” September 19, 2012

The team at the finish, just how fresh do we look?

Regular readers will know that I took part in the world-famous Great North Run last Sunday. It is a half marathon (13.1 miles) which starts in Newcastle and finishes in South Shields. It was my first half marathon for 17 years so I wasn’t expecting a great time. I was part of a team of five and I am pleased to say that I came third in that little group with an official time of 2.44. But also big congratulations go to the rest of the team as well; Stuart O’Hara, Nick Cooper, Simon Downs and David Carline. In the overall race I was 35,301st, but I did still have a pulse at the end of the race and I have suffered no major aches or injuries. To my knowledge I was beaten by a the fridge man, a gingerbread man, a Scooby Doo (although I did beat another Scooby home) and Jesus. JC carried a heavy wooden cross for the whole run and gave me a rather disdainful look when I asked whether he was in fact Jesus or Brian.

The atmosphere and support were tremendous and perhaps the only negative was the heavy rain at the start. especially as it took me 50 minutes to actually reach the start line from when the gun went off. But there were somewhere in the region of 55, 000 entrants. A lot of our excellent Olympians and Paralympians were also there to offer support. In fact I was even able to high-five with the swimming superstar Ellie Simmonds and the magnificent Mobot himself, Mo Farah.

Up to now we have raised 83% of our target sponsorship for the Save The Children charity. So thank you to all of you who have contributed so far, but it’s not too late. Click here if you would like to donate. I also promise that this will be my last begging post for some time. So now for a special treat how about some appropriate songs?

“Wanna see me stick Nine Inch Nails through each one of my eyelids” March 27, 2012

Eminem can't seem to control his explosive temperament

I have a question for you; has white rap phenomenon Eminem ever worked with cockney good time boys Chas ‘n’ Dave? The answer is surprisingly yes, well technically anyway. His breakthrough single from 1999, “My Name Is” features a sample from Labi Siffre‘s 1975 song “I Got The…”. So what I can hear you say, well two of the session musicians on Labi’s song were none other than the yet to be famous Charles Nicholas Hodges and David Victor Peacock,. The pair are better known now as Chas ‘n’ Dave. So there you have it, in a roundabout way Mr Mathers has worked with Chas ‘n’ Dave. It’s not exactly Eminem rapping in cockney rhyming slang though is it? But there’s a thought!

Is this man the Real Slim Light Shady?

Eminem did have to change the lyrics before Labi Siffre gave him permission to use the sample, he also gets a co-writing credit on the track. Siffre is openly gay and was concerned that Eminem was being violent and homophobic in his lyrics. Incidentally fact fans did you know that Labi Siffre wrote and had his own hit with “It Must Be Love” a song later covered and made even more famous by Madness? Well he did, that was way back in 1972. I also used the lyrics from that song in my rather long wedding speech at my marriage to the delightful and beautiful Catwoman last September. Anyway enough of that it’s time for you to enjoy some Labi Siffre and Eminem.

“If your having girl problems I feel bad for you son” January 20, 2012

Firstly thanks to my good friend Mr Horslen for pointing this rather strange story out. Mr Fiddy Pence, aka Half A Dollar, aka Little Sense, aka Curtis James Jackson III and finally aka 50 Cent. It is the latter name that many of you know him as. After his latest escapade I would say that this man could also be known as Complete Knob! He posted some rigged pictures of Jay Z and Beyoncé‘s new baby Ivy Blue Carter. Click here to see them. Are they in bad taste? Probably. Are they particularly funny? Probably not. Has Fiddy had much publicity lately? No. Has he had a lot in recent days? Obviously. Is this just a cynical attempt to get him back in the news? You bet your ass it is!

I’ve always felt that 50 Cent is an ok rapper but perhaps lacks the humour and wit of the best, such as Eminem, and often lacks the intelligence of the truly great rappers, such as Jay Z. Fiddy has also sparked bemusement with some other tweets recently. He said that he wanted to be a bird so that he could fly and shit on people. Then you could say that 50 ‘shat on you’. I think this man is a bird; well he is a bit of a cock isn’t he? He has also tweeted that he doesn’t believe that he has much longer to live, but I wonder whether that is a metaphor for his dying career. read the news about those tweets on the NME site by clicking here.

In some related news Jay Z has vowed to drop the word ‘bitch’ from his lyrics after the birth of his daughter. That will take a lot of effort won’t it? “99 Problems” without ‘bitch’ in it? How’s that going to work? Will he replace with a similar word? Maybe ‘I got 99 problems but a ditch ain’t one’ or ‘I got 99 problems but a twitch ain’t one’. Please use the comments box on this blog to submit your own alternatives to ‘bitch’ and maybe we can send a list to Jay Z or Jay Zed as my good friend Karen McP calls him. Read the Jay Z no bitch story by clicking here.

“250,000 Miles On A Clear Night In June” June 27, 2011

Just a few random things heading your way for this post. Let’s start with the sale of an iconic item of Michael Jackson’s clothing, it’s the jacket that he wore in the “Thriller” video. It sold recently for £1.1m in an auction in Beverley Hills. It was bought by an US Commodities Trader who plans to use it to raise money for children’s charities. Given the many allegations made against Jacko the use of his old clothes in that way does seem somewhat appropriate, doesn’t it? Click here to read the story on the BBC.

Lady Gaga is being sued in the USA for allegedly pocketing far more money than is appropriate in the sale of her Japan Earthquake Relief wristbands. The lawsuit, in which she is being sued for more than £3m, alleges that the wristbands are sold for $5 each and include shipping and tax costs meaning less than 10% would reach its beneficiaries. But obviously we don’t know how much of the detail Gaga herself is aware of, so watch this space and click here to read the story on the NME site.

Madonna will soon feature in a comic in the US. It will be in Bluewater Productions ‘Female Force’ series of comics. It’s hardly Batman or the Fantastic Four is it? Even more so when you consider that some of the other women to have featured to date are; Michelle Obama, Sarah Palin and Margaret Thatcher. I suppose that the latter two could almost pass as super villains though. Even though I have a large collection of comics I think it’s highly unlikely that I’ll be buying the Amazing Adventures Of Madge.

To coincide with the release of the new Muppets movie later this year a number of rock acts have recorded cover versions of many Muppet numbers. Amy Lee off of Evanescence has  recorded one of my favourite Muppet songs, “Halfway Down The Stairs” originally sung by Kermit’s nephew Robin. Weezer and Hayley Williams off of Paramore have covered “Rainbow Connection”. Other artists recording songs for the album are; Alkaline Trio, My Morning Jacket, Airborne Toxic Event and OK Go.

It's a tragedy that Gaga has not been allowed to record a Muppet song, especially after she murdered so many of Kermit's relatives to make her dress.

Did you see any of the Glasto coverage? I thought the BBC did a great job with it, although I didn’t see the Wombles anywhere! As for the headliners; I thought U2 were ok, Coldplay were bloody good and Beyoncé was truly amazing. She even managed to cover Eurythmics, Alanis Morrisette, Prince and the Kings Of Leon. despite the rumours that her man Jay Z would join her on stage, he didn’t, but she did a rather interesting duet with Tricky. My main thought as I watched her was how little talent the likes of Cheryl Cole actually have.

I’m loving the new Eminem video for “Space Bound”, what do you think of it? It does contain the usual element of controversy from Mr Mathers. This time gun related. But I really believe the man is on top form.

Gaga just get's everywhere doesn't she?

And finally would you like your girlfriend, wife or partner to wear knickers with a picture of Thom Yorke on them? personally I wouldn’t, but if you’re that way inclined you can actually buy them. Has anyone reading this purchased any of them? Click here to see for yourself.

“I’ve walked for miles, my feet are hurting” May 16, 2011

Yet more Gaga news for you today, she certainly knows how to create a media stir for herself doesn’t she. I guess I’m as guilty as the rest too as she does appear here quite a bit. She has become the first celebrity to reach ten million Twitter followers. She tweeted this message to her followers; “10 Million Monsters! I’m speechless, we did it! It’s an illness how I love you. Leaving London smiling”. She was the first to reach nine million in March having overtaken Britney Spears last year. She has 24 million ‘likes’ on Facebook although in terms of celebrities Eminem is ahead of her as is Texas Hold ‘Em Poker.

She also appeared at Radio 1′s Big Weekend in Carlisle this weekend. She dedicated a song to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (aka Wills and Kate) and played a couple of jazz numbers. In her continuing quest to make an entrance unlike any other star she arrived on stage in a coffin. She was dressed in black and apparently wearing a prosthetic pregnancy. Unless of course it was real! Before Gaga’s super injunction takes effect I would like to state categorically that I am not the father! I would like to thank my good friend Nick Horslen for sending me the clip of her stage entrance. Incidentally Nick also categorically denies that he is the father.  Nick also came up with a pun to describe the Gaga entrance that is up there with my worst puns. It went something like this ‘Lady Gaga had a bit of a coffin fit I hear…’ keep taking the tablets Nick!

Now for some non Gaga news. Last week Roger Waters played a few shows at the O2 Arena in London as part of The Wall tour. I would have loved to have gone but I never got around to booking early enough. But a work friend of mine was there and not only was it a great show, but also for the first time since Live 8 in 2005 the remaining members of Pink Floyd (David Gilmour and Nick Mason) joined Waters on stage. To say that I was envious of my friend Grant would be an understatement, being there for that particular performance is one to tell your grandchildren isn’t it? Click here to check it out on the BBC

And finally time for more mondegreens aka misheard lyrics. These were posted in the Rock Of Ages Yahoo Group and there are some real doozies there!

“I bless the rains down in Africa.” (Toto – Africa)
People sing: “I left my brains down in Africa.”

“Might as well face it, You’re addicted to love” (Robert Palmer – Addicted to love)
“Might as well face it, you’re a dick with a glove.” (some people have suggested that they thought this was about Michael Jackson!

“Body’s aching all the time.” (Queen – Bohemian Rhapsody)
“but he’s naked all the time.”

“And as we wind on down the road.” (Led Zeppelin – Stairway to heaven)
“There’s a wino down the road.”

“And kept her apart from the things that she loved.” (The Beatles – Getting Better)
“And kicked her apartment of things that’s Sheila.”

“Excuse me while I kiss the sky.” (Jimi Hendrix – Purple Haze)
“Excuse me while I kiss this guy.”

“See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen” (Abba – Dancing Queen)
” See that girl, watch her scream, kicking the dancing queen.”

“Like a virgin, touched for the very first time” (madonna – Like a Virgin)
“Like a virgin, touched for the thirty-first time”

“We built this city on rock and roll.” (Starship – We built this city)
“We built this city on log and coal.”

“I’ll never be your beast of burden.” (Rolling Stones – Beast of Burden)
“I’ll never leave your pizza burnin’.”

“Here we are now, entertain us.” (Nirvana – Smells like teen spirit)
“Here we are now, in containers.”

“The answer, my friend,
is blowin’ in the wind
The answer is blowin’ in the wind.” (Bob Dylan – Blowin’ in the wind)
“The ants are my friends,
they’re blowin’ in the wind
The ants are a-blowin’ in the wind.”

“Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.” (Green day – Time of your life)
“Another turnip boy, the Ford stuck in the road.”

“Got my mind set on you.” (George Harrison – Got my mind set on you)
“Thought my mom sat on you.”

“There’s a bad moon on the rise.” (Creedence Clearwater Revival – Bad Moon Rising)
“There’s a bathroom on the right.”

Just because I love the song and it doesn’t get played too much here is “Beast Of Burden” by the Stones.

“They think they’ll get to heaven through the universe” – Brit Awards 2011 February 15, 2011

So this years Brits have undergone yet another revamp and moved to the O2 Arena as well. It is now designed to build up to a finale of the announcement of the Best British Album, with each nominee introducing their album in little vignettes throughout the show. I guess it’s based around the Oscars where the whole spectacle concludes with the Best Film Awards. Even the actual award has had a makeover too, thanks to Vivienne Westwood. With Viv involved it seems weird that the Brits effectively started at the height of punk and it was all black ties and very formal and Cliff Richard was the winner of Best British Male Vocalist, oh how times have changed, well mostly anyway.

The show was kicked off by Take That with “Kidz”. I hate to say it but even with Robbie back in the ranks I quite like them. The performance was good and the boys were surrounded by riot police dancers who stripped at the end. Maybe there’s a lesson for the police the next time they are called out to student protests. But did anyone else think that a couple of the ‘That were wearing incontinence pants?

Hosted by James Corden, personally I’m not sure about that choice I have never really found him either funny or exciting. First award was for Best British Male presented by Dizzee Rascal, last years winner, to Plan B. Now that was a good choice, the ‘Defamation Of Strickland Banks’ is a killer album.

Another live performance came next, it was the abundantly talented Adele, boy that girl has got a superb voice. She sang “Someone Like You” accompanied just by a pianist. It’s hard to believe that she is so young. Now that’s what you call real singing, are you listening Cheryl Cole? It was a brilliant example of how talented a lone singer can be, but did they have to shower her with all that silver snow/ confetti?

Now that interlude of James Corden speaking to Justin Bieber was weird. James telling Justin how wonderful he smelled. Is that grooming? (Yes I know you could read that two ways!) It was left to Fearne Cotton presenting the Best British Breakthrough Artist award to take that awful scene out of my mind. The winner was Tinie Tempah, apparently Prince Harry and Prince William are fans!

International Album was presented by none other than German Musical Superstar………..errrr Boris Becker. Anyone for Tennis? It was justly won by Arcade Fire with ‘The Suburbs’. They gave a fantastic name check to British acts; Clash, Bowie, Culture Club, New Order, Depeche Mode.

And now we have Rihanna who started her medley set from behind what could have been a giant shower curtain or giant grass skirt. The hair matched the dress, but did the collar match the cuffs? We came close to finding out as she removed the dress pretty damned quickly! Maybe not everything but the kitchen sink, but Burundi style drummers and wait……. was that the Olympic flame? Oh and another thing, now that’s what you call real dancing, are you watching Cheryl Cole?

Mark Ronson was there to present the Critics Choice Award, was he dressed like an Accountant or was it just me? I don’t mean that I was dressed like an Accountant, obviously! Don’t you think his hair was like a ski slope? Well even more obviously no surprise that the winner was Jessie J, as this was one of the awards that was announced some while in advance of the ceremony itself. The fourth woman to win that award and she didn’t blub….. but only just!

One of the nominees for best album were the next band on stage, it was Mumford And Sons. It’s no wonder they’re so big in America is it? They look like hicks and hillbillies; mind you they were bloody good at the Reading Festival last year. Who wears cowboy hats or truckers caps in this country, which just puts my flat cap to shame really!

To present the International Male Award we had yet another musical superstar; Lewis Hamilton…..errrr how many albums has he had then? The award gave Cee Lo Green his first ever Brit. Now that’s a big “Fuck You” to all the previous voters, they won’t “Forget You” next time Cee Lo. A brilliant choice in my opinion. He gave a great shout to Boy George too. Nice to see all the Johnny Foreigners thanking the Brits this time around. I’m not xenophobic ok, I’m just an archetypal arrogant Brit! Well actually I’m not really, I am a Brit but I don’t think I’m arrogant or even archetypal, although I’m sure some might disagree!

What was the Best British Single then, it was presented by Alan Carr, is it me or does his voice really grate on you? It was also voted for by fans, so that should mean a good choice right? Well it was a good choice, it was Tinie Tempah with “Pass Out” It could have been so much worse with all those X Factor related nominees.

What the F*ck am I doing here?

Two blokes off of Duran Duran presented the Best International Group award to the magnificent Arcade Fire. What can one say? Flipping heck another good choice, this revamp has done wonders for giving the right people the awards too.

Plan B was the next live performer. Show stopping set and dancing, a tight band. It was like a modern version of the old Motown or Stax Revues. Were those Police left over from the Take That performance? Of course they were, the Riot Squad were there again. It’s one thing infiltrating eco-activists, but this level of police intrusion is so far beyond subtle it’s off the bloody scale! What about the dude that was set aflame? Was that a tribute to the recently deceased Johnny Storm aka the Human Torch off of the Fantastic Four? Check out issue number 587 of the World’s Greatest Comic magazine for more info on that one people!

Avril Lavigne and Will Young combined to present the next award, now that is a novel but strange pairing. It was International Breakthrough Act and was won by Justin Bieber, well I suppose it couldn’t all go my way could it. Still at least it wasn’t the Glee Cast was it? Still the boy done good bearing in mind he is not quite seventeen yet.

Best British Female Solo award was present by Georg O’Dowd aka Boy George, isn’t it about time he upgraded to Man George? Deservedly won by the beautiful talent that is Laura Marling. She was followed by a brilliant performance from Arcade Fire with “Ready To Start”. Are these guys one of the best bands on the planet right now? I think so and it always looks like they’re really enjoying themselves too.

Now that’s what I call presenting an award, are you watching Cheryl Cole? Ooops no you’re not, you’re actually presenting the damned thing for Best International Female. It went to Cheryl’s ‘Girl Crush’ (hmmmm interesting in a pervy kind of way); Rihanna in a big white dress with roses….. they grow on you!

Tinie Tempah took to the stage next and frankly he did it like he owned the thing. Great performance and bloody good laser show to boot. The stage was full of Tinie lookalikes, how about a spoofed version of Eminem, anyone for ‘The Real Tinie Tempah’? This dude is a really top bloke in my humble opinion. Move over Mr Rascal and make way for Mr Tempah. Are the organisers of the Reading Festival watching? How about Tinie Tempah on the afternoon bill on the Main Stage Saturday or Sunday, it’s worked well for Dizzee before hasn’t it?

Dermot O’Leary off of the X Factor (amongst Others) no less was on hand to present the Award for Best British Group. It went to Take That. It pains me to say that with their current album I actually like some music that Robbie is involved in. I must be ill in the head. Robbie was his usual nonsensical arse with just a couple of shouts of ‘Shabba’ thankfully leaving the other boys to do most of the talking and thanking.

So then came the grand finale the Best British Album Award, presented by Rock God Roger Daltrey off of the Who. He said that he thought that Plan B’s set had made him reminisce of the early days of the Who,(was he serious?) but sadly the award didn’t go to him, it went to Mumford And Sons, still not a bad choice.

The show was closed by the mighty, magnificent Cee Lo Green with “Forget You”. A great tune but I kind of wish he had done the original ‘naughty’ version! A great singer none the less. So that is as they say it for this years Brits. I will be back with other posts before the 2012 Brits so feel free to keep reading my blog now that you’ve found you’re way here. I bet you’re relieved that I have got to the end of a whole post with no mention of Lady Gaga……….DOH!

The good, the bad and the untalented!

“I’m on a mission and it involves some heavy touching yeah!” February 9, 2011

Today, February 9th 2011 I would like to say a very big thank you to all my regular readers and all those of you who have just stopped by a couple of times. Also to those of you who comment, regularly or otherwise, I salute you! Why all this fuss I hear you say? Well simply because it is now the second birthday of my little blog. It has now surpassed any ambitions that I might have for it. I have made more than 260 posts and received more than 860,000 visits. If I’m honest 20 hits a week in the early days blew me away, but this level, well I can only imagine you search for something and luck brings you to this blog.

A picture of Lady Gaga’s rear end has been downloaded more than any other picture or file, to date 919 people have downloaded it, or one of you has downloaded it 919 times! Check it out below. The post that has been viewed the most times, with more than 68,000 views was published in the blogs first week back in February 2009. You can relive it by clicking here.

The most popular search terms that have arrived here are;

1     Lady Gaga            95,939

2     Pink Floyd 58,786

3     Kate Bush 42,253

4     Eminem 41,966

5     Slipknot                   39,670

6     Lily Allen 38,993

7    Michael Jackson 25,341

8    Beatles 24,572

9   Catwoman 23,220

10 Pink                            16,903

So finally a big thank you once again for your support and encouragement, I have also made friends of many other bloggers, check out my blog roll for many of them. So rather than the traditional happy birthday please enjoy Lady Gaga with “Love Game”

“She’s Lois Lane, but when it’s bad it’s awful” January 3, 2011

So here we all are in a new year once again. It seems hard to believe that we are now 11 years into the current century and that I have now lived in seven different decades. But then as my Nan once said to me, old age is always 10 years older than you are. So I take this to mean that as long as it’s not my name in the Guinness Book Of Records as the oldest person on the planet then I will never be old, will I? Obviously I’m only saying all this because I turned 52 on January 1st and birthdays make you think of age, longevity, life and stuff don’t they?

Rihanna longed for a deeper bath

Anyway enough drivel about me let’s take a quick look at the best-selling UK albums and singles for 2010. Rihanna has performed amazingly well with one entry in the album top 5 and two in the singles. It was also good to see the X Factor single failing to make the top spot in the end of year sales chart.

I assume that the one in the front next to Gary is Robbie

Top UK albums of 2010

1. Progress – Take That
2. Crazy Love – Michael Buble
3. The Fame – Lady Gaga
4. Loud – Rihanna
5. The Defamation of Strickland Banks – Plan B

Worldwide album sales have Lady Gaga at number one with ‘The Fame’, followed by Eminem with ‘Recovery’ in  the number 2 slot.

Top UK singles of 2010

1. Love The Way You Lie – Eminem ft Rihanna
2. When We Collide – Matt Cardle
3. Just The Way You Are (Amazing) – Bruno Mars
4. Only Girl (In The World) – Rihanna
5. OMG – Usher ft Will I Am

To see the more extensive lists click here for the Official Chart Company site.

2010 in review January 2, 2011

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

The Louvre Museum has 8.5 million visitors per year. This blog was viewed about 490,000 times in 2010. If it were an exhibit at The Louvre Museum, it would take 21 days for that many people to see it.

In 2010, there were 143 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 245 posts. There were 402 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 45mb. That’s about 1 pictures per day.

The busiest day of the year was September 13th with 6,362 views. The most popular post that day was Janie Jones.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were alphainventions.com, search.aol.com, 74.125.67.100, facebook.com, and en.wordpress.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for lady gaga, eminem, pink floyd, kate bush, and pink.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

“We are starlight, we are golden” February 2009
9 comments

2

“You wave your hand and they scatter like crows” April 2009

3

“If you’re 555, then I’m 666″ March 2009
21 comments

4

“I wanna say, I wanna tell you, about the young ideas, but you turn them into fears” February 2009
2 comments

“Howling in shadows living in a lunar spell” December 14, 2010

Well there really isn’t a great deal to say about this fantastic album cover animation other than it is truly brilliant. It’s called Battle Of The Bands and it truly is a fight to the death!

If I have noted it correctly it contains album covers from all the following artists, if you see any I have missed just let me know!

Foreigner, Yazoo, Billy Joel, Shaun Cassidy, Violent Femmes, Rick James, Eminem, Joe Jackson, Beastie Boys, 50 Cent, Roxy Music, King Crimson, Scorpions, Led Zeppelin, Rolling Stones, Duran Duran, Velvet Underground, Pink Floyd, Coldplay, Rush, Boston, AC/ DC, Def Leppard, Replacements, Jane’s Addiction, Love And Rockets, Depeche Mode, Ozzy Osbourne, Weezer, B 52s, Dead Kennedys, Van Halen, Dio, Iron Maiden, Night Ranger, Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark, OMD, Nirvana, Asia, David Lee Roth, Black Flag, Cars, Michael Jackson, Beatles, Journey, Green Day, Hermans Hermits, Madness, Phil Collins, Lou Reed, Madonna, Tom Petty, Bob Seger, Lionel Richie, Devo, Jimi Hendrix, Quiet Riot and Metallica.

My favourites are Michael Jackson and Roxy Music, what are your favourites? Can you find the hidden Ozzy track?